aside from being busy...

Last week, I got a text message in my cellphone from my close friend (the one I have talked about in my December 3, '04 entry)... At first, I didn't know that it was him since he used a different number... His message was "Just heard from my sister that you are engaged, congratulations!". Then, I asked him if we would still be meeting before I get married and I told him in all honesty that I want to see him even just once before I get married... but... he said NO... I asked him why, he said it's useless... That he does not find any good reason why we should meet... This really made me sad because I wanted to talk to him personally. I want to thank him for everything... But he's just so selfish... For me, he is... And how I hate him for being like that and I even told him that we HAVE BEEN friends and I guess it all ends there. Just when i thought that everything will be fine again, but the more it gets deep... the more we get hurt... and the gap continues to go farther that we cannot reach to each other anymore...

I was really bothered again by him... If he wants me to forget about him totally, it's really so hard... How can I forget someone whom I shared good times with? How can I forget those times that we once had a very good communication and made both of us really happy? Since I was so bothered that he does not want to see me, I even asked my fiance about why has he decided that... And the answer is, it's because he really wants me that if ever we meet, he really wants to take me... I feel so bad that I can't do anything about it... If he really loves me, why does it seems that the love is like turning into hatred? Part of me is hating him, another part of me wants to blame him, and a part of me that wants to go back in time so things would not turn out to be like this... He may not agree with me, but I really think we are now having regrets for not being open before... for not being honest and for not telling the things he REALLY HAVE TO SAY when we were still seeing each other... When we still have time to meet... Now that we are far apart, it's really hard to explain things to him and his shuttiing me up now... I think I would not see him even at my wedding...