???h**t

i got hurt about something i wasn't expecting to know... i wish i have never known because it somehow ruined my good mood... and inseciurity strikes again... it matters to me again what i look like, and i feel so undesirable... oh how i feel so shitty right now... sometimes i feel like hoping that i would have a pretty figure and a very pretty face... because i see now that being beautiful still counts no matter how trashy you are inside... i don't know... i suddenly got confused.... i guess i am not that amusing anymore and just a natural pain in the ass.... that even i got hurt, i feel like i haven't given to really feel that way since i wasn't understood.... people just don't know how i really feel deep inside and would even be mad about how i feel... how i wish i do not have a heart anymore so that i will never have feelings... so that there's nothing to be mad about anymore and i'l no longer be a pain in the ass...