this might be the last of me...
i remember one night, i dreamed of slowling dying... i dreamed of how i died, how it felt like dying...
when i woke up i felt so afraid.... the first thing that came into my mind is this....
i can't die... not yet... because i've thought of my love.... that i still love him so much and would want to make it up for all the wrong things i've done, to change for the better, to prove that am worthy... to prove my promise... to prove how much i love him.... i know i've been wrong for countless times already, and i keep on going because simply, i love him.... he's everything i've got...
yet.....
am now shattered into pieces.... i do not know anymore what i can do.... am so damn frustrated and i've never been so DAMN FRUSTRATED like this! before, all i can think of is to hurt myself but now it's something more.... i want to die.... because am frustrated of making things work, of making things right and i seem to always fail.... now i do not know anymore if i can still hang on... am not scaring you, or threatening you.... (everyone who's reading this blog...) i just really can't take TOO MUCH pain anymore.... i can't go on anymore living like this.....
i am so much afraid that i can no longer control my feelings.... my actions... am afraid that may be tomorrow, or the next day after tomorrow, i'll see myself jumping from the window, brutally hurting myself with a broken glass, or even dosing myself with too much drugs....
i even wanted someone to tie my hands so that i cannot do harm on myself.... because, i really can't help it anymore... i can't bear to see myself anymore doing so many mistakes towards my love....
can someone help me? can someone hold my hand and give me a hug? can someone tell me if things are really going to be fine? i'm loosing my faith.... i can't hold on tight anymore....
when i woke up i felt so afraid.... the first thing that came into my mind is this....
i can't die... not yet... because i've thought of my love.... that i still love him so much and would want to make it up for all the wrong things i've done, to change for the better, to prove that am worthy... to prove my promise... to prove how much i love him.... i know i've been wrong for countless times already, and i keep on going because simply, i love him.... he's everything i've got...
yet.....
am now shattered into pieces.... i do not know anymore what i can do.... am so damn frustrated and i've never been so DAMN FRUSTRATED like this! before, all i can think of is to hurt myself but now it's something more.... i want to die.... because am frustrated of making things work, of making things right and i seem to always fail.... now i do not know anymore if i can still hang on... am not scaring you, or threatening you.... (everyone who's reading this blog...) i just really can't take TOO MUCH pain anymore.... i can't go on anymore living like this.....
i am so much afraid that i can no longer control my feelings.... my actions... am afraid that may be tomorrow, or the next day after tomorrow, i'll see myself jumping from the window, brutally hurting myself with a broken glass, or even dosing myself with too much drugs....
i even wanted someone to tie my hands so that i cannot do harm on myself.... because, i really can't help it anymore... i can't bear to see myself anymore doing so many mistakes towards my love....
can someone help me? can someone hold my hand and give me a hug? can someone tell me if things are really going to be fine? i'm loosing my faith.... i can't hold on tight anymore....
posted by bottled genie at 1:15 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home