one wish...

i guess it takes only one wish for things to be fine... that is, to be as perfect as i can be... i know there is no such thing as "perfect person", yet, am so frustrated now to make things right... to make my love happy and would not always get mad at me for being so wrong, so many times... that the main topic of the argument would always be my faults.... =(

this is the point where i do not feel like living... but i still want to live because i love my love so much yet... it seems that i'd always fail him... it seems that am always making him mad... it seems that sometimes i think, that maybe am not really meant for him... but... as WE think of what we had before, we did not have any sorts of problems or whatsoever.... things were fine, we were a lot happier, no arguments... we were even contented even if we just sit side by side and not speaking to each other...

but what the hell is happening? it's like sometimes, we do not know each other anymore... =(

i remember, a friend of mine told me once, when a relationship turned to its 3rd year, there's this so-called "turning point".... where there would be re-adjustments, and other sorts of things that will really challenge the relationship... and if ever there is such, (turning point) am not liking it at all!!! Can't we just skip that f****** turning point and live happily ever after???

am affraid of losing my sanity, TOTALLY... =( ... this sort of thing is driving me CRAZY.... =( now that i also do not like my physical attributes, i've got nothing left to boast.... =( i look so undesirable now... it's not because of self-pity but i got so chubby now, almost like when i was in high school... and my stupid long hair that i would just always tie all up...

anyway, i know that what am wishing for is so damn impossible.... but what more can i do when almost everything i do is always wrong? =( when our relationship is beginning to be unhealthy because of ME? =(