sinking in...

i do not like how i feel nowadays.... there would be times i feel so happy, & there are also times i feel so down... and when i feel so down, AM REALLY SO, SO DOWN... days ago i had a serious talk or shall i say, my significant other talked to me ( since i wasn't able to react or talk back)... in a very serious way... things about ME, MY MISTAKES, my NOT SO GOOD attitudes... and thinking that he envies his friend for having a significant other who's much MORE UNDERSTANDING than ME... all those things, are beginning to sink in, that made me ask so many questions... am damn tired hearing so many bad things about me... REALLY DAMN TIRED.... because, all those times i've tried my best but with every mistake i commit it's always a BIG DEAL or something... it just adds up to my FRUSTRATON & DEPRESSION... it made me feel so much that AM NOT SUITED TO BE ANYONE'S FRIEND OR EVEN A GIRLFRIEND...

that day, when i was listening to my significant other, i feel like wanting to disappear... and now as those words that have been said to me are sinking in, am also sinking... sinking down... SCARED & WORRIED that am not god enough... or than am NEVER god enough... that there MIGHT be a time that those people i love (specially my significant other) will just leave me because I WAS NEVER OR WILL NEVER BE good enough... that if people get to know someone else who's FAR BETTER THAN ME, they would leave me just for that BETTER PERSON which i am not.... i really fear to be alone...

dear m,

i'm so sorry if i was not able to speak that time... the time you talked to me... i'm sorry for not being someone better like the girlfriend of the one you have envied... don't worry, i'l try to chat with that girl when she's online & ask her of her attitudes toward his boyfriend so that i'll be able to do the same to you... i'll also try my very best to lose weight so that i'll be more pleasing to look at... i know am being such a "plump" nowadays since it's summer... i'm really sorry for making you so mad with my questioning... i guess i've said enough as of the moment...